“Is there any problem between you and Bee(not real name)? I sense something isn’t going alright because when I asked Bee a question that concerned you, the response I got was a very very cold answer.” Trying to find the words from my tight throat, I was able to finally mumble out “There is nothing.” Of course the answer didn’t make the questions stop, it only gave way to more questions and the need to explain what I think should be the problem. Funny enough, prior to this day, Bee and I had laughed over a common topic of discourse and said our goodnights. So being asked this question so intently, I only came to understand and accept that somethings happen so we learn.
I am not going into details of what I think caused all these but I am going to share life lessons drawn out from these. Let us quickly remind ourselves that no two people were designed to move at the same pace in life and the moment you start to compare and compete with them, you begin to miss it. Everyone has a defined path for them, sometimes we miss it by trying to walk another’s path. The sad thing is that when you don’t achieve heights this other fellow is achieving, you begin to look for sympathies from people who are always on your side of understanding and then this fellow who doesn’t know you are competing with him/her become an enemy.
It’s not possible to walk in another’s shoes and be comfortable. So stop the competition please. You will end up missing the sweeter parts of your life because you are unhappy that in this unnecessary competition you created, you are losing so bad. It’s almost natural to be unhappy and find oneself at a point of questioning why things aren’t going as good as it is going for a friend, a colleague or a sibling. But the moment you quench that thirst for unhappiness immediately it comes, you will find out that you become genuinely happy for people doing better than you.
A night before this fateful day, my Aunt was just telling me about things like this and explaining that “how you lay your bed is how you lie on it”. Although this phrase has become a-cliché, it’s so so relevant in how we live. Let me paint this scenario for you and I need you to picture it. “Ten of you were given a room each to clean and the rule is when a room is left, you can’t go back to clean it and it would be used that way. In these rooms, there are pins on the bed which should be removed before being laid. Seeing others moving fast, you begin to rush not knowing how well they are doing. Thereby, instead of taking your time to remove all the pins you go ahead and lay the bed all because you wanted to win, when you return to sleep, who will suffer the hurt from the pins?” So why not take your time, remove the pins and who knows you will still win all the same and enjoy a nice rest on that bed.
So it is in life, take your time, clean out all that needs to be cleaned. Work on yourself and watch yourself get to that POINT you are meant to be at. Forget who and who was behind and has passed you. In this race called life, there is room for overtaking. That shouldn’t lead to low self esteem or pride or bitterness. In the end you make your self life’s victim for no reason.
Let me say this, “if you are always unhappy for people who do well or even better than you, you need JESUS!!!” Back to my story, when I got home, I began reflecting if I offended Bee in anyway, and yes I remembered I did years back when I corrected Bee about mocking people and it didn’t go down well. I apologized irrespective of it all, I didn’t claim rights, I played the fools part and moved on. Apparently, Bee never did and anytime something comes up that involves me in my absence, Bee displays how much she despise me.
You know what I started to do, I told God to give me the grace to not despise Bee too. Humanly speaking, I am justified to, but I am not living life to any man’s judgement but God’s, so I consciously pray for her that God gives her peace and bless her indeed and make her happy.
“Winning isn’t getting ahead of others, it is getting ahead of yourself.” – Roger Staubach