Learning on the Job

Disclaimer: This article is written based on a 100% personal journey. This is not a manual for anyone to use against another. This article has been written with the purpose of blessing as many, encouraging as many to know that God is the maker of great homes with the power being in our hands. Let the Bible be your manual and when you read those books, be edified, charged up and inspired to run. Marriage is God’s idea and He instituted it. However, you and i have our parts to play.

Welcome back to “The Christian Wife’s Diary”. Catch up on Part 1 and Part 2 if you haven’t read it.

Many young women enter marriage as “Professors of Marriology” because they have read every book on relationship and marriage that there is out there. Having zero to no experience, they are often overcome by the immediate discoveries that unfolds after becoming the new wife.

Well you may say, “how do i have the experience when i ain’t married?”

That is exactly it, you don’t. The closest you come to is learning from people’s experience. The good to inspire and encourage you. The bad, you learn from it, watch and be warned.

As much as I was in a denomination where there was a committee that should guide you through to your marriage and sometimes after. I would say that i am glad about some decisions i made as regards my marriage. Sometimes i wonder if i did it all by my common sense but not at all. I believe God desired to give me the happy home i prayed for and wanted me to learn so many things that no one can teach me except marriage.

I am an advocate of “learning from people’s experience”. Wherever i find myself i always tune into the supernatural order of things and ask God what it is that i need to learn from where i am. That being said, a lot of people think grasping all the knowledge they can get would out-rightly work things out for them. Hey friend, you are wrong on this one. Marriage is no fairy kingdom where you wind and point the magic wand and the mattress becomes water bed or that angry man becomes a smiling flower. It is somewhere you must be willing to learn to grow.

I’ll encourage you not to ever run your home the way the other does. Many a times, what Mrs X boast about may be true and work for her or may not be true but she wants to feel among. You who is naive now takes it hook, line and sinker and then start to experience problems. Your husband is a book you should read and understand. Lest i forget to mention; I didn’t read any marriage book prior to marriage. The best i came close to was reading so many romantic fiction novels by Francine Rivers and Karen Kingsbury – oh my, i love their books and have read it all over and will read it all over again. The faith and attitude of the characters lightens up my inside to believe and trust God better than i did before. I believe not reading “spelt out” relationship and marriage books and guide before marriage somehow helped me to be teachable. You may wonder that how come someone like me who loves to read didn’t. My dear, i don’t know but i am so glad i didn’t. We had our fights and arguments because when you said “No”, i would want a reason. Now i can boast of this that God has indeed taught me prompt obedience in this regard and i learnt it in my married home.


How dare me forget to mention that my first pre-wedding present from my dad was the best gift anyone gave me. He wrote several things which i have shared on my Facebook wall before. Don’t worry, i would be sharing them as we continue in this series. Those were indeed words of wisdom that i will forever cherish. Back to the books, one beautiful thing is that i don’t know most of the contents of those books, so i wouldn’t say anything about it. Please know that i am not saying you shouldn’t read those books. I am simply saying, BE A STUDENT or AN EMPLOYEE ready to LEARN ON THE JOB! I want to believe that most of the relationship books were written for us to learn and be inspired from not to be brainwashed. The difference between this is that someone who learns is open to correction, someone who is inspired goes the extra length to better herself but someone who is brainwashed believes only what she says and knows is the right one.

If you must know, now I have a library filled with edifying books that God has used to bless my marriage even more as i continue to “learn on the job“. Like i mentioned in my other post, I decided all by myself to bring in and give unreservedly my 100%. So giving my 100% meant giving my knowledge and common sense too. That doesn’t mean anyone is riding you or anything. It simply means you are ready to do your own part and learn with an open heart to corrections.

I don’t expect so many of you to buy my opinion, not even in this age of “modern day feminism”. (That’s a topic for another day) I am a christian and the Bible is my manual so as i continue in this series, I will share to encourage young brides and wives like me out there that we can have that home we dreamed and so prayed about.

“If you find honey, eat just the right amount; otherwise, you’ll get full and vomit it up.” ~ Proverbs 25:16 (CEB)

“But anyone who needs wisdom should ask God, whose very nature is to give to everyone without a second thought, without keeping score. Wisdom will certainly be given to those who ask.” ~ James 1:5 (CEB)

“In marriage, be an open book to God and to your spouse. Let new good things be written in you and the old bad erased.” ~ Phebe Olaniran

“Wisdom is the right use of knowledge. To know is not to be wise. Many men know a great deal, and are all the greater fools for it. There is no fool so great a fool as a knowing fool. But to know how to use knowledge is to have wisdom.”  ~ Charles Spurgeon

“Knowledge is but folly unless it is guided by grace.”  ~ George Herbert

Until you read from me on this series, “Keep loving, keep praying and remember you get what you pray for and if you don’t pray for something, you get anything”

God bless you and Mrs O loves you big.


Images: http://www.freeimages.com

Published by Phebe

Hello, I'm Phebe! (Pronounced "fee bee") My friends call me Phebs or Phebet! I wear many hats (Wife, Mom, Architect, Designer, Business owner and so on) and I try to blend them beautifully by God’s Grace.

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