I’ve always been asked questions about God’s Will especially as it relates to marriage. Let me just say this before I proceed that the Will of God is applicable to every area of our lives.
As I share on this topic, I will be open about my own relationship as well.
God’s will regarding marriage, I believe can be anybody from friends, family friends, colleagues to acquaintances. I’ve heard of only 1 case of a total stranger. (Now, when I say Total Stranger, I mean someone you have never seen in your life and he/she has never seen you in his/ her life. This person walks up to you and ask you to marry him/her. Well I won’t deny, I don’t know the response you will give. It will be, “Excuse me? Are you out of your mind?” Or you will simply ignore and run away) Most times, we grow close to people we see often or even saw just once (Love at first sight)
In my case, my husband and I used to be in the youth choir for some years and even though I can remember seeing him not more than 3-4 times, I just knew his name but we never said hello or hi. I knew he was a member of so and so family, I knew this and this were his siblings but I didn’t just know him to call him my friend.
Reading through Scriptures, I am yet to find one who married a complete stranger aside Adam and Eve. Back then, they married among themselves. Families went to their extended families from either the mother or father to pick wives. As we advanced further, we see the direction in which it went.
The Will of God is for us believers to marry someone who is also a believer. This can also be seen in the times of the old testament when Abraham and Isaac both instructed that wives should not be taken from people of the land (Canaanites). The Will of God is for us to be happy in our marriages. The Will of God is for us to raise children in a loving home where they are taught of the Lord. The Will of God is for us to grow old, still in love and still happy with our spouse. It is never God’s Will to marry an unbeliever, an abuser, a selfish spouse and in general an inhumane individual.
Sometimes, it may not be love at first sight or butterflies in the stomach. It sometimes is growing in love or building a friendship to relationship. In the case of Jacob, it was love at first sight; in the case of Isaac, it was that of building. In my case, when we reconnected, it was more of “Hey, you are such and such person right? Oh how have you been? What are you doing now? What level are you? What are you studying? Blah blah blah.” It was like two old acquaintances catching us after some years. We exchanged phone numbers and kept in touch till it grew from like to love, friends to more than friends, then to husband and partner.
I often hear young people being advised to not watch with one eye while praying with the other but just pray, pray, pray. Then I ask, what do you pray about when you don’t even know what to pray about? Do you just close your eyes and pray for a man and God just drops him there? Okay, before you say, “Shouldn’t we pray? Abraham’s servant prayed that way and God dropped Rebekah.” Please you need to pray and I am not excusing that important action because I also prayed. In fact, a year before I reconnected with my now husband, I had a personal retreat to address all areas of my life after graduation the next year. While I didn’t specifically pray for a husband, I prayed for my future home. All the Lord gave me back then was His Word in Habakkuk 2 and I have held on that word ever since.
Now, if you read that scripture with understanding, you’ll find out that the servant after praying, had to identify Rebekah, had to walk up to her and had to ask for water. So he had to do his part, while God did His in directing him aright. One thing we must understand is that we always have a part to play even when we pray. When we pray for a job, we have a part to play – study, develop yourself, and get ready to be interviewed.
So also with marriage, you watch with both eyes open, just as you pray with both eyes closed. Sometimes, I say to myself that if Jacob had opened his eyes and watched who was given to him, he would have know it wasn’t Rachel. Watch marriages that are doing well and those that aren’t. Watch the way godly husbands take on their responsibilities and watch the way godly women take on their responsibilities. Prepare yourself mentally, spiritually, physically for the journey. (It is very okay to have an expectation.) Then close those beautiful eyes and pray about the journey and who you should be journeying with.
Many a times, as natural human beings, we can start getting close to a particular person or even find ourselves putting this person’s interest before ours, caring about this person or what he/she has to say regarding matters that concern us. If you are a true believer, this is always done innocently with no motive. Most times, you are even alerted by people very very dear to you who have your best interest at heart. Many times, we excuse these people as simply great friends, best friends, great mentors, awesome mentees, a brother in the Lord, a sister in the Lord and so on.
Looking through scriptures, one thing was common about these spouses – putting the needs of the other before theirs. In the record of Abraham’s servant, Rebekah put the satisfaction of the servant and his camels before her. For Jacob, he put the wellness of Rachel and the herd ahead of himself. How will I also forget Ruth? Boaz put the needs of Ruth ahead in doing the right thing, he wasn’t selfish in the sense that he knew there was a likelihood that she wasn’t going to be his wife if the other relative had agreed to take her.
So now, “does God’s Will means, anything goes?”
Wherever, However and Whenever you meet your spouse, if they are everything the Bible describes a husband to be and more, they are the Will of God.
After years of friendship, my then friend made his intentions known to me and this time, they were exactly what I also wanted.
Did it just happen? No! There were two who I thought would be but alas, they weren’t. Even though they were believers, they weren’t the one. And the interesting thing about God is, if you are in Him, He’ll always show you what lies ahead and still leave it in your hands to choose if you’ll proceed or apply the brakes, get out and walk or run, or just stay and wait for the next ride.
Applicable scriptures for reading.
Genesis 24:1-7, 12-21; 28:1-5; 29:9-18; Ruth 3:1-18