Let him help you!

There is this mentality or would I call it a cultural belief that the woman is meant to do everything from cooking, to cleaning, to caring, to shopping, to training the children and so on.

Now this post is directly addressing the women but hello guys, you can learn a lot from it and even help your wife.

So, before you got married, your husband was maybe staying on his own or in a family house but while being unmarried, he was (I intentionally used the word “WAS”) very industrious, domestic and handy in the matters of the home. He did his laundry himself, cooked for either himself alone or family. He was just hands-on around the house and who knows that’s one of the plenty things you say and fell in love with.

Now married, he wants to do the dishes, you say, “Honey please leave it alone, I will do it.” He wants to help clean the house, you say, “Honey, God forbid I will be here and you will be doing what I should be doing.” He takes his clothes and begins to wash, you fly from where you are to go grab it from his hand saying, “I should be the one doing this.”

Ah ah, Madam. Later you will be complaining of how lazy your husband is, how unhelpful he is, how he is this and that. Are you not the one that made him lazy? Are you not the one who decided you are to be the domestic slave? Now he that was used to doing things around the house, gradually becomes one whose help isn’t needed and hence found comfort in doing nothing around the house.

Dear singles, engaged and newly married, if your husband wants to help you, LET HIM! Before you begin to say, he would not do it like I want or how I do it. Have you heard of teaching him? And by teaching him, you must know you have to be patient and understand that he might make mistakes.

This past father’s day, I had a lot on my plate and there was no way I was going to finish all I has to do that day by myself. So while I was making my children’s hair for the school week, I asked boyfriend dearest to prepare soup for the family. Not just any soup, Egusi soup (Melon soup). The ingredients were already prepared and ready for use and all I did was guide him to make the soup exactly the way I make it. Off course, he wanted some shortcuts but I reminded him of how it would taste and I know he loves his Egusi soup yummy. When the children ate it, they didn’t know the difference. When I also tated it, I was very very impressed. Everyone that ate it didn’t know it wasn’t made by me but I told them and they were pleasantly surprised.

When you discuss during courtship, how the home front will be manned domestically, talk about chores. Let him know you will be relying greatly on his help. If he is a natural, please let him do it.

There is no where in scriptures where it said men should never help around the house. In fact looking back to the foundation of marriage as described in the beginning, Adam was busy taking care of things in the garden of Eden before Eve was created. Was he not eating? Was he not cleaning after himself? Eve’s arrival was to assist as much as be a companion to Adam. So, if we want to live out scriptures LITERALLY, women are the ones to actually ask, “Honey, how may I help you today?” Hehehe.

And to the guys reading this, when you want to help and she comes running to be in charge, remind her that it is your house too and ask her, “how many things does she want to do at once?” Most importantly, when she is so busy and overwhelmed, walk up to her and ask, “how can I help you darling?”

Scriptures for Reading.

Genesis 2:15, 18-22; Colossians 3:18-25; 1 Peter 3:7; Ephesians 5:21-30


Published by Phebe

Hello, I'm Phebe! (Pronounced "fee bee") My friends call me Phebs or Phebet! I wear many hats (Wife, Mom, Architect, Designer, Business owner and so on) and I try to blend them beautifully by God’s Grace.

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